breaking up

it is hard to do!  i've never been good at breaking up with people or calling things off.

this is something that i've had to work on ever since josh and i got engaged.  it is a weird dynamic, the relationships which are created between the vendors you meet with as you plan your wedding.  the process which you must undergo to learn their experience and most importantly find out how outrageously expensive they are (and see if they are less of outrage than the others).  during this process it is totally like a dating relationship.  they call you to check up on you, see you have any questions, or concerns.  they want to know how the search is going (if you there is someone else).  but all along you can't tell them that you are "seeing other people"/vendors.  it is a really awkward situation, because all along they know there is someone else, but they are hoping that they are the better of the two (or several).  

as this process starts it is easy to eliminate vendors.  after some first meetings you know that it is not for you and you immediately can call them up and say thanks for your time, but you don't fit our style/personality/vision/price range and although it is still uncomfortable to do, you do it with ease.  

as the process goes on it becomes more and more difficult.  you narrow down your search to a few.  and you become a player, leading on several vendors at a time.  then eventually you have to make the decision.  this is no longer an easy decision to make.  all of the vendors have something you like, that is why your courtship has lasted as long as it has, but who do you like the most.  who are you comfortable entrusting that one aspect of your wedding to?  one of them may totally fail and this is something that every vendor tells you on one of your dates, they share of their competitors who have failed, who have the horror stories, but they won't tell you who they are.  so then you start to wonder are they talking about one of the other vendors i'm dealing with or are they talking about themselves.  scary!

eventually you make the decision (which for me is a total struggle, because there are so many different things i like about them all and then i just have to commit and this is a struggle for me because i need to know everyone else's opinion: i.e. my mom and josh's.  and then if they give me their opinion and it wasn't what i was leaning towards my mind starts to freak out and start to re-think it all. it is very nerve racking).  

then comes the infamous breakup!  you have to call every vendor and break it to them gently.  explain that there is someone else out there who is just better.  then they try to hold on offering something or telling of how excited they were to do your wedding and how they had so many ideas.  and then it is easy to question yourself and you have a few seconds to figure it out and the pressure is more than you can bare.  but you overcome and stand strong behind the decision you've already made.

once you hang up that phone it is OVER!  no more thinking about past relationships.  once the decision has been made there is no more cheating.  no thinking about what if i'd gone with... because then trouble will come.  

Today i ended the last wedding relationship i'll ever end!!!

it is over!