Monday, May 5, 2008

on my mind

...school: *a million and half things to do this week alone, let alone the projects that are due next week and then finals

...RA (finishing well and making sure to connect with all of the girls before everything gets mad with finals)

...the wedding: *a million people to call and meet with  *money and dealing with decisions and trying to be wise in it all

...Josh and the job hunt and church: *letting God lead us

...taking care of my relationships: *finishing out the year well with my girls and making sure that this summer and next semester doesn't change things  *Josh and I, finding time to spend together besides meals, meeting each other's needs and finding time to nourish our relationship

...me and God: *where am I at?  *why is it that everyday i feel like my relationship with God is different and changing?  *why am I dealing with all of this now?  *how am I growing from all of this?

there is so much on my mind and i need God's peace!!!!!!!

i long for peace

Saturday, May 3, 2008

superficial

sick of...

superficial so called friends, superficial people, superficial hellos, superficial smiles, superficial facades...

 i want relationships that are meaningful and edifying.
my new friend!!!

Bernie Mac(Book)!!

YAY my birthday present came early!!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Bronchitis!

The Background:
last Tuesday I started to feel like I was getting sick--Thursday night it hit me REAL bad! As the days progressed I just got worse and worse. Monday morning I finally got in to the doctors (i hate that doctors are closed on Saturday and Sunday--man I would have paid anything to get in over the weekend) so turns out I have bronchitis--ICKY! I've been completely knocked out since last Thursday (its almost been a week).

I just feel so out of touch with everyone. I love that have friends who haven't forgotten about me and give me a call almost everyday, but its difficult when you have no voice and it kills to use the little voice you have and so I still feel so isolated. I am feel completely alone and I am not a fan. I am definitely someone who feels love in the form of quality time and physical touch. I miss being around people--I can't wait to get back to school and see my friends! I miss you guys, especially my Joshua!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Family

This weekend my aunt and uncle came down to spend Easter with my family. I hadn't seen them in 10 years...yes 10! Quite a few years back they moved from San Fransisco to Italy and so it has been FOREVER since we've seen each other. It was really awkward at first because I'd only spoken to them maybe once a year on Christmas, but by Friday (i.e. the next day) morning--it was comfortable. They are family and you will always have your family. As I revisit this seemingly obvious truth, I've found that I don't value family enough.



My dad and my uncle Randy are the only family they have left (besides us) and they hadn't seen each other in 8 years. Yes they talk more often than once a year, but there is just something wrong with this picture. Now that my uncle has cancer I think both my dad and my uncle have realized that they need to make more of an effort to stay connected. Family is huge and I saw the power of that this weekend in the little conversations and in the joy that came from just catching up and learning about each other and our lives. As I grow older and start to look ahead (esp. as I am starting to plan for the new family that I will be forming with Josh), the more I see that family is more than the people who you spend time with because you have to or the people who never called just to wish you a happy birthday or didn't send you a single gift since you were 10 years old, but that family is an opportunity to love without conditions. I'd been bitter about the past and the lack of relationship I'd had with them, but I felt prompted to let that go and move past the issues of the past. It was really freeing to release that and to start over and view them through a lens of love and compassion.

I saw God really working in the family interactions, discussions, and 3 hour long meals we shared. Even though it had been years, there was no fluff or surface level conversations, but deep, intimate discussion arose. In the spirit of Easter, conversations about God and church continued to come up and it caused my aunt and uncle to realize that they needed to find a church in San Fransisco. The Saturday morning men's study sparked something in Randy and Easter Sunday's service inspired my aunt. God moved them and it was beautiful to watch their two different, but genuine reactions to Him.

I am really inspired to see how and where God is moving in the lives of those around me and just to witness a renewal of a longing for something more with our Savior brought me to a place where I realized that I need to long for Him as well. Family can be either the biggest thorn in your side or the biggest opportunity to love regardless and see how God can move in you to then move others.

Friday, March 21, 2008

The only 3 things we can do that God can't

1. Sin

2. Die

3. Be Caused to Exist

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

much needed escape

sometimes i feel like my life is passing before my eyes. i loose track of the days and i find myself overwhelmed. i am in the midst of this craziness right now. i look forward to resting in God this break, laying in the sun, and spending some quality time with the people i love the most.
 

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